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Once Paddy, Alfie or Prince have got a hoof inside the door, your time is no longer your own, Ponydad. Well, the worst tears have been wiped away, and I have had a bite of cheese and a class of wine, and I have realised that as a ponydad and time-realist, it can sometimes be quite challenging to be married to a woman and be the father of a daughter - both of which are time-optimists. It is as if time stands still, for the girls at least, the moment they step into the barn. But there are also pluses to the fact that my wife and daughter are in their very own time capsul when they are in the barn.
The days I am not in ponyland myself I can grind through three episodes on Netflix before the two horse fanatics return. Usually, I pull a chair over to the ironing board and iron my shirts while watching my favorite series - who said men can´t multitask? It has cost me a couple of ugly burns on both thighs, but hey! I get the job done.
Another plus is that I usually know where my teenage daughter is and what she is doing. As a former Danish mayor, Erhard Jakobsen, once said at the opening of a riding school in Northern Zealand, Denmark. "The youth who smell of horse does not smell of hash".
It is no longer a problem to invite a couple of friends over for a “small sip” of beer on a Thursday night, because the boys are long gone when the cavalry returns home. Just like I no longer have to spend a lot of time on the tiresome work, it is to choose our next holiday destination. Honolulu, Honduras…. or a horse conference somewhere in Denmark. The horse always wins.
To find out how much time the girls actually spend with the pony, I have set my daughter's current horsey time up against the time the home helper spends on my grandmother's old friend, 88-year-old Lola Jensen.
You may be thinking - hey, make a half halt, that makes no sense. You cannot compare those two things. The answer is, of course, you are 100% right. It makes no sense whatsoever. Comparing a 15-year-old girls time with her horse to an 88-year-old woman and the time spent on her personal care is both strange and as far from accurate as can be. But in a somewhat dysfunctional way it still puts things in perspective.
To keep both feet on the ground and avoid having to count numbers that seem completely unrealistic, I have chosen not to include the total time (cuddling and so on) my daughter spends in the stable, in this otherwise thorough study.
Based on the numbers above, my daughter spends 636 hours more per year on her pony than the home helper spends on Lola Jensen. And even though I know that the comparison is not worth the paper it is written on, I find it quite shocking.
Ponydad, if you, like I, have a hard time relating to these numbers, I can tell you that horsewomen (all women actually) in average, sorry girls, spend 488 hours less a year on toilette, putting on makeup and other girly things than they spend standing on the sidelines watching their nano-riders doing their thing (source, Fremforsk, 2015). I am in shock.
You may also like to read: 10 reasons why you should never date a horse girl
The study has shown what happens with time, and why us Ponydads from time-to-time wonder where our nano-riders… and wives have gone. Furthermore, the study has shown that in today's Denmark and probably in a lot of other countries you are better off if your name is Paddy, Alfie or Prince and have four hoofs than if you are called Lola Jensen is 88 years old and need help.
I am almost out of cheese and wine, so I am going to make a halt and call it a day. Remember to take good care of yourself, your family, and your pony and last but not least your time.
Brrrrrrr
