Sometimes you’d think they’ve planned it all! On the days when you’re busiest and least appropriately dressed for a stable visit, your horse decides to do this and that. Even if you’ve promised your partner, boss, or friend that it won’t take long, it ends up taking at least twice as long. And your horse—just stands there and laughs. At least that’s how it feels.
Here, we tell you what you’ve most likely experienced your horse doing when you’re just quickly stopping by the stable and are most pressed for time. Hopefully, we can also make you feel a bit calmer; you’re certainly not the only one who has experienced this.
YOUR HORSE JUST WON’T BE CAUGHT IN THE PADDOCK—NO MATTER WHAT YOU TRY.
In fact, it seems to think that your new white pants deserve to be inaugurated into your muddy, horse-apple-filled existence. If you can ride in white riding pants at a competition, then you can surely fetch it in a similar pair now!
THE HORSE MAY ALSO BE STANDING AT THE VERY BACK OF THE PADDOCK.
And even if you call it, it seems to think: “Those stilettos need a run!” Full of contentment, it sticks its head back into the ground until you decide to show off your newly purchased shoes to the rest of the herd.
WHEN YOU FINALLY GET TO THE HORSE, YOU FIND IT HAS LEFT BEHIND BOTH A HALTER AND A BELL.
You think the bell can fend for itself, as you simply don’t have time for it. Frantically, you trudge through the mud to spot the halter—and of course, it was right by the gate where you started!
UNFORTUNATELY, YOU’RE NOT SO LUCKY THAT YOUR HORSE HAS FOLLOWED YOU, SO YOU STRUGGLE BACK TO IT.
And now you find yourself both puzzled and incredibly irritated to discover that you—overnight—have acquired a giraffe whose neck is, of course, too long for your arms.
AFTER A MINOR STRUGGLE, YOU GET THE HALTER ON, CHECK THE TIME, AND REALIZE YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY BE ON YOUR WAY.
Just at that moment, your horse decides that today is not the day to hurry. In fact, you’re somewhat relieved that it has four legs, so it doesn’t topple over and make you even dirtier than you already are.
FINALLY, YOU’RE IN THE STABLE, AND YOU CAN QUICKLY FEED YOUR HORSE.
But as you pour the feed into the manger and turn around, you’re thanked with a drool-green and booger-filled puff. So while the horse eats, you can spend the time figuring out what to say to your boss or in-laws when they ask about the lovely stain on your light blazer.
WHAT GOES IN MUST COME OUT.
You actually mucked out this morning, but of course, your horse thinks it’s much nicer to relieve itself in the two minutes it’s in its stall than it is to do so during the many hours it spends outside. You now have two horse apples to show your fine clothes how to remove.
AS IF THAT WASN’T ENOUGH, YOUR HORSE REWARDS YOU WITH A LITTLE LINGERER OUT IN THE COURTYARD AS YOU’RE ABOUT TO PUT IT BACK IN THE PADDOCK.
As you once again grab the rake and wheelbarrow, you wonder if “Horse Apples” could also be a legitimate name for a perfume. You certainly feel that’s the scent you’re taking with you to a family birthday or business meeting now.
For some reason, it always feels like the horse makes things difficult when we have the least time for it. But isn’t it really us who are sometimes a bit unrealistic in our time calculations?
As horse owners, we should be the best at knowing that a quick visit to the horse can never be “just really quick.” Horses, unfortunately, don’t know the time, and it’s not their fault that we’re busy. So if we remember to leave 5-10 minutes earlier and always have a pair of rubber boots and an overcoat in the stable, then quick visits are likely to be much more enjoyable for both horse and owner. Don’t you think?