When I decided to write this article, I had to ask my boyfriend very nicely to participate. He agreed to stand by my thorough cross-examination on why men should stay clear of women who have horses. This article is written for all the boys and men who are still in the dating market and who may – or may not – know how a horse girl can be.
So let me explain to you once and for all, why you, men should be bowing around us. Because there are reasons. Exactly ten good reasons:
1. And it is not just on ourselves
No, we actually spend most of our money on our four-legged bestie – our horse! First of all, a horse is not cheap to buy. We like to spend a lot of time and money on finding the right one, and in most cases, we end up with a horse that costs far more than we had budgeted. But the use of money does not stop here. Every month, we happily pay for expensive housing, training, shooing, equipment (including what we do not actually need), feeding and veterinarian costs. Most of us, too, spend money on going to shows to return to the stable with a rosette that has no financial value. And then comes all the other unforeseen expenses that are not included in the budget. We all know those right?
2. Our horse is our soulmate
Do not think you end up in the first place as our beloved partner in crime. That space is occupied and you cannot change that ranking. Our horse is our one and only, and we are ready to let go of everything else and hurry to the stable to check up on our little gold nugget is okay. That date friday night? Yes, you may as well forget it. I am spending my Friday night with my horse!
3. We spend far too much time at the stables
So it’s not just Friday night you have to do without us. We like to spend all the time we can get our fingers on with our significant other (no, the horse off course!). And two hours in reality, only feels like 15 minutes in horse land. We even get up very early to pull on our breaches and get to the stable before other chores of the day have to be done. We just have to make sure the horse has slept well! How did you sleep, beautiful? No – I was not asking you, Sir!
4. Also, you are not our number 3, 4 or 5
Did I make it sound like you’re coming in second place, over those closest to my heart? Wrong!. After our horse, comes our trainer off course – the one who may seem a little tight when you meet him at first. And the second time. In fact, you may always feel that slightly awkward mood around our trainer. Get used to it. Our veterinarian is also high on the list, but he or she can probably look compassionately at you when you are woken in the middle of the night because the horse is ill.
5. You end up being dragged along to the stable
If you want to spend time with us, you must join us at the stable. And before you know it, a broom is suddenly placed in your hand, and before you know it, you find yourself sweeping the stable floors all the while we ride around the arena receiving lessons from our beloved trainer.
6. You do not understand what we are saying
Piaf? Half pass? How to walk a course? Yes, if you have no idea what I am talking about, then I really understand you. We have several expressions which are difficult to understand when you are not familiar with the equestrian world. You should therefore listen carefully if you wish to understand just a little bit when your girlfriend speaks “horse” with her girlfriends.
7. Our best friend weighs half a ton
Despite the weight, we can make the horse do almost anything for us, and we are never afraid even our best friend is taller than we are. It also means that you might want to consider not arguing with us.
8. Speaking of time and discipline…
Get ready to spend all weekends during the summer at equestrian events around the country. Suddenly you get to see most of the country’s riding clubs, and learn how to braid rose buds, brush boots and even remove small hairs on your girlfriend’s black bow jacket. Have you been in the military? Believe me, the discipline of a horse girl makes a sergeant looks like a 10-year-old scout.
9. Horses are for life
If we look to the future and fast forward to where you and your girlfriend have children, well, then get ready to end up with a couple of kids who are also bidden by “the horse bug”. Have you heard of the term ‘pony parent’? You have a high likelihood of becoming one. Suddenly, it is not only your girlfriend’s paddock you are mucking out, but also the ones belonging to your son or daughter’s little pony. If you marry a horse girl, the circle has started.
Let me put it this way: Do you end up falling for a horse girl anyway? Let us jump to the tenth and final reason, which is the main reason you look past all of the above:
10. You are absolutely cool with it all
Despite saying that you do not understand why a horse girl does as she does, your vision changes over time. Suddenly you think it is cool to drive to the stable, because you know it makes your girlfriend happy. You may even feel that the horse has become your friend and you ask how it went on last weekend’s equestrian event. If first you fall for a horse girl, there is no going back. And that is the tenth and final reason. You will end up thinking it is all fun – even if you might not quite admit it.
Article originally written by Amalie Soelberg.
Read also: Riders at the stable – which type are you?